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Frilly Draws

Self-taught artist learning to lead a colourful life again.

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My Foray into Bridge Cameras

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March 23, 2016November 18, 2016 Frilly4 Comments

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You know my girl is eating well when she powers up from it. So... Every time, basically. . . . Left hand: #WinsorNewton #cadmium #red hue Right hand: #FaberCastell night #green #breastfeedingSketches . . . #Afrisa #frilly #frillyDraws #Clara #baby #newMom #artistMom #parenthood #artist #hamontArtist #watercolour #dragonBall #makeTimeForArt #CanadianArtist #artistsoninstagram #artwork #painting

When I got pregnant, we downloaded an app so that we could "see" what our little baby looked like every week. At five weeks, the illustrator used circles to represent a microscopic little spine forming, which Husband thought looked like a #stegosaurus. We referred to the #baby as #LittleStego from that point on. . We tried to buy all sorts of stegosaurus stuff. Turns out it's not that easy of a #dinosaur to find! But we had fun, and often joked about still calling her Little Stego when she's twenty years old. Sorry we kinda accidentally decided "your thing" for you. . I still called her #Stego in the hospital, but Husband suggested we call her #Clara as well (why even spend months picking a name, right?). Within days, she was solidly Clara, and Little Stego felt wrong. A funny thing happened, I think "Stego" became more of a name for my pregnancy, a secret agent codename for my unborn friend. I do still miss my Little Stego from time to time. . . . Left hand: #FaberCastell light #cobalt #blue Right hand: #WinsorNewton #cadmium #red hue #breastfeedingSketches . . . #Afrisa #frilly #frillyDraws #newMom #birthArt #pregnancy #csectionmom #artist #CanadianArtist #artistsoninstagram #artwork #painting #hamontArtist #watercolour #makeTimeForArt

My first birth, as most first births are, was a major event in my life. I remember panicking a bit when the head nurse said they wouldn't be giving me one last ultrasound to see if #Clara had turned (they ended up giving me one). I remember how much love my Husband was channeling to me, his hands holding my left, and his eyes - filled with concern - never leaving my face. I remember wondering when my midwife would come over and offer words of support instead of hanging back and blending into the background. I remember being grateful for my anesthesiologist's calming presence and most especially, his companionship. I remember when the surgery got unexpectedly intense, feeling terrified at the sight of the needle hovering over my head, the voice in my mind screaming, 'No no no! Absolutely not!', but my actual voice being occupied with screams and moans. I remember the ceiling spinning as I wondered when I'd get to see my daughter. . I'm not scared of needles. I am scared of losing control of my body and having no memory of it. I've drunk alcohol, but I've never been able to push myself beyond the beginning of a buzz because I'm scared of losing myself. During all the cesarean section conversations with the midwives, with the anesthesiologist, and with the ob/gyn, I constantly asked to remain mentally alert. They all reassured me that I will. So when that needle was hovering over my head, it unfortunately became the most salient memory of my birth. Even now as I paint it, my heart still races and I feel a sense of panic. . ... And I remember suddenly feeling a weight just above my knees, and wondering if it was my daughter. I remember finally seeing her, and loving her crazy gremlin fist. It was white, and wrinkly, and /so small/. . . . #Afrisa #frilly #frillyDraws #newMom #cesarean #csection #birthArt #birthStory #cesareanAwarenessMonth #csectionmom #artist #hamontArtist #artTherapy

Whenever people ask me about my #cesareanSection, I always respond by saying the #pain wasn't the difficult part, it's not being able to care for your child. . I felt powerful when I was pregnant. I can make a human and carry an extra twenty pounds while doing the laundry! Walking the dog! Setting the bed for overnight guests! Helping build furniture! Reorganizing my studio! I felt like I was capable of anything. . ... But it took me a whole minute to get out of bed and shuffle the few feet over to watch my newborn sleep. And it wasn't until a few days after her birth when I finally changed one diaper but then couldn't change another until a week or so later. And it terrified me to cough or sneeze or laugh because it felt like I was splitting into two. And it still feels sore after bottle feeding her no matter how many positions I try. . When it was time to breastfeed, people had to bring her to me. I'm sorry Husband, I'm sorry Mom, I'm sorry Dad, but all I could see was #Clara. It was just her and I in our tiny little world, and it looked like she was floating over to me. My heart would flutter with excitement, impatiently wanting her to float over faster. Breastfeeding was the most painful thing I've ever willfully done over and over, but I was so happy to finally have her in my arms again. . . . #Red was left hand today, blue #violet was right. #breastfeedingSketches . . . #Afrisa #frilly #frillyDraws #newMom #cesarean #csection #postpartum #postpartumJourney #cesareanAwarenessMonth #csectionmom #makeTimeForArt #CanadianArtist #artistsoninstagram #artwork #painting

My parents gave me these in middle school. They were from their cartographer days. Being the mini #artist that I was, I made #swatches of all the #colours (left), and decided these pencils suck, water soluble my butt! It's amazing what a little knowledge can do (right) - #watercolour paper is a thing! . Neat detail, just to show its age, the pencils and tin box all say W.-Germany. . . . . #Afrisa #frillyDraws #frilly #FaberCastell #artistlife #hamontArtist

"It's funny how such a small human can move people to open up old wounds," my friend and doula said, after we shared with her some stories that our mothers had told us recently. Although I feel the same as I did before, entering #parenthood really is entering a whole new world. Mothers and fathers welcome you in with stories to promote love and strength, some heartbreaking, some silly. Here is a silly one. . My parents have been staying over a few times a week to help while #Clara and I figure out breastfeeding. I was eating the lunch they had lovingly prepared when my dad suddenly volunteered a confession. On my graduation day, my family and I went strawberry picking before visiting my aunt. Shy but still trying to be useful, I busied myself by washing the strawberries. My aunt told me to stop and that she'd do it, because I was wasting too much water. So I quietly left to hang out in the living room, embarrassed and frankly, a little bit hurt. Turns out my dad thought my aunt was being ridiculous, that we didn't wash things at her house all the time anyway, and that she was being petty. Why didn't he stand up for me and voice his opinion back then? My best guess is it's because she's an older sister, and it made me happy to have the relationship I have with my brother (and my parents) where we're comfortable calling each other out when we're being ridiculous. . In trying to respect and keep my core self happy, I'm fitting in time for art wherever I can. #BreastfeedingSketches are done with my free hand as I alternate between breasts. Today #yellow is done with my left, and #red with my right. I have a set of #FaberCastell #watercolour pencils I inherited from my parents that are older than I am. I have treasured them forever by not using them, but it feels fitting to finally break them in while I feed their grandchild. :p . . . . #Afrisa #frillyDraws #frilly #littleStego #artist #artistLife #newMom #hamontArtist #CanadianArtist #artistsoninstagram #artwork #painting #makeTimeForArt

The only way to keep your sanity with a #newborn is to celebrate all the milestones, no matter how small. The first sneeze, the first time she slept for four hours straight, each (rare) time she actually stayed asleep when you placed her in the crib, the one breastfeeding session (out of approximately 200 so far) that didn't hurt, weight gain after the midwife looked you straight in the eye to say that she'll have to go to the hospital if she doesn't gain any in the next two days, finally being able to pick up my own #baby when she cries (because my cesarean wound hurt too much before), and today at long last, I had some time to do a tiny bit of #art. . It felt so... reassuring to finally tap into my past self, who had been patiently waiting on the sidelines. To be able to rummage through all my paints for my little container of #sumiInk, to feel the smoothness of hot press watercolour paper between my fingertips. Just a little reminder that I'm still here, I'm still me, just with a little grumpy critter by my side now. <3 . Love you, little #Clarasaur, but you sure are a handful. . . . . . . #Afrisa #frillyDraws #frilly #artistlife #momLife #calligraphy #handlettering #littleStego #newMom

#Husband brought home a #cake. <3 It's cute and perfect and absolutely delicious. When @sara_makes_cakes says her specialty is chocolate cakes, she is NOT lying. And that #stegosaurus is the most adorable thing I've ever eaten ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ . . . . . . #Afrisa #stego #littleStego #heart #mintFrosting #yummy #Valentine's

Part two of my maybe-last-weekend before motherhood, I spent it finishing up a #painting for my own mother, while at the same time binge watching baby care videos in my pjs. . Not pictured: going out into the freezing rain at night to pick up a second hand baby carrier, getting stuck mid-turn into their unplowed driveway, and having a friendly passerby pull us out with his truck. . . . . . #adventuresBeforeBaby #Afrisa #frillyDraws #frilly #acrylics #hamontArtist #artist #CanadianArtist #cats #plants

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